I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
