the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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