Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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