I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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