when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
