So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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