There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
