I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
