I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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