Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
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Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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