so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
