I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
only you would photoshop your dick
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
