Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
