Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
