My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
