Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Randomize
