I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
