I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
