she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
this beer tastes like vomit already
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you had me at cake vodka
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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