When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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