We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
