In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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