the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
