Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Did I show you my penis last night?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
