god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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