Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
