I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
