tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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