We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
