Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sext me about skeletons
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
