You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I deserve this hangover.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
