There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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