Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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