If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
