I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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