He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
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