How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
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He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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