Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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