That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
