erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
