Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
