does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
