Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
