I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
