I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
