Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
