I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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