if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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