Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Come see our sink grown plant.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
