hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
