you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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