I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
