i'm signing you up for texting rehab
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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