got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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