I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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