i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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