SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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