Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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