Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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