i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
