If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
