I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
