Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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