When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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