I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
