ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
