what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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