I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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