we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
this will be a night to untag.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
