If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
