I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Found the puke drawer
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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