I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
