i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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