DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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