So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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