oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
